LEARNING the Secret of Contenment

For the past several days I have been wondering how I could best write this blog.  There are so many things the Lord is personally taking me through right now.  I do not want my blogging to become a time of "airing my dirty laundry" or sharing personal moments that are truly just between the Lord and I.  However, I also know if there are certain issues I am struggling with, I can take confidence in the fact that I am not alone.

I desire to be transparent enough in my blogging that you can see my life is far from perfection and you can erase any "cookie cutter" images of what a young bride on the international mission field is supposed to look like.  It is for this reason I wanted to share with you one BIG stronghold I can clearly see the Lord chipping away...

The missionary ladies here at BHM are currently working through "Mercy Triumphs", a Bible study written by Beth Moore, on James.  I have just now begun the 4th week of this study.  I could go on and on about certain topics that have literally leaped off the page at me over these past 4 weeks of study.  For the sake of time I'll simply share one :)

James 1:22-25 "But be doers of the word, and not hearers only, deceiving yourselves.  For if anyone is a hearer of the word and not a doer, he is like a man who looks intently at his natural face in a mirror.  For he looks at himself and goes away and at once forgets what he was like.  But the one who looks into the perfect law, the law of liberty, and perseveres, being no hearer who forgets but a doer who acts, he will be blessed in his doing.

A doer of the word and not a hearer only.  A good description of this is a "forgetful listener."  The image of staring intently into a mirror and then walking away forgetting what I look like seems impossible.  I'm a girl, I pay attention, I remember what I see.  Why is it though, it is so easy for me to spend time in the Word, and walk away "unchanged" as though I have "forgotten" what I just saw?

Let me bring this together for you, for the past few years I have noticed that I continual struggle being content.  At times it may be small things: if I just got a hair cut, I see someone with a ponytail and all of a sudden dislike my hair (don't laugh, I realize that's a crazy example, but an example nevertheless).  I have struggled with being content in different seasons of life, if I was single I wished I had a boyfriend, if in a relationship I wondered if I should be single.  If I decided to stay home for the evening, I would wonder if I should've gone out.  I find I struggle with a constant back and forth if I am in the right spot...I am not practicing contentment.

While the struggle with contentment is not a surprise to me, I know it is not something I always have to be held in bondage by.  I am a new creation and FREE in Christ.  He has conquered this stronghold  of discontentment.  So...why do I still feel stuck?

Am I a "forgetful listener"?  How often do I look into the law of liberty and fail to act and miss the blessings that come from being a child of the King?  How am I not listening, where am I missing it?

These thoughts have been rolling through my head over and over and over again for the past several days.  After many deep conversations with my oh so patient husband and a variety of thoughts speeding through my mind, I knew I was not being a doer who acts.  I  have been spending time in the Word and walking away unchanged.

I know it is only through grace that I have been saved, nothing of my own doing, Ephesians 2:8-9.  However, as I grow in my Christ likeness, there are intentional ACTS that must take place.  I began to think through a variety of things in my head, concerning this stronghold of discontentment in my life.  Where am I missing it, God?  What is it that triggers these strong feelings of isolation and loneliness?  What are you trying to teach me through all of this?  How am I forgetting so many things you are showing me?

As I sat in our group session at Bible study on Monday afternoon my mind was rampant with these thoughts.  I knew there was an act of obedience on my part that needed to take place.  Before I knew it I began to think about FACEBOOK.

Stick with me here, I am a huge fan of social networking.  I love how I can be in another country and still feel connected with family and friends that I am away from.  However, too much of a good thing QUICKLY becomes a bad thing.  Shortly after Trey and I were married I deleted my personal Facebook account.  I was struggling with contentment and spending wayyy to many hours "zoneing out" in the world of Facebook.

Now Trey and I share a Facebook page.  This was incredibly helpful for me, in the beginning.  I would be lying to myself if I did not admit that the times I noticed that I was struggling with being content came immediately after spending some time on Facebook.  The "comparison bug" bites me hard and I find my perspective has been changed completely.  I wish I could say I was the only one who noticed this...

More times than I would like to admit, Trey has had to ask me about my time on Facebook as he has noticed a change of mood or a struggle to be satisfied.  As I sat in Bible study Monday afternoon the Lord twisted my heart to pieces.  I began to think about what it would be like to give up Facebook.  When the thought first crossed my mind, my brain jumped into overdrive with at least 15 reasons why I could not give up Facebook.

As clear as the freckles on my face, the Lord softened my heart and said..."See my child, don't hear my words and fail to act.  Let me give you this abundant walk.  ACT, and walk away from things for the sake of knowing me more..."

At that moment, in the quietness of my heart, I knew Facebook needed to go.  I know with all my heart I can find complete and total contentment through my relationship with Christ.  However, how can I search for  Him to find my contentment, when I spend more time with the thing that steals my contentment the most?  For lack of a better description, my struggle with Facebook & contentment is like a fat kid who so desperately wants to be healthy, but is unwilling to put down the chocolate cake.  It will not work!

I have made the decision to go 100 days without any Facebook access.  As I share this I realize some of you may be thinking, my goodness what's the big deal, that's no time.  However, 100 days seems like a LONG time to someone who is on Facebook multiple times a day...everyday.

After 2 days off, I am already reaping benefits of new free-time.  I spent last night honestly enjoying reading and relaxing at our house.  I did not have a computer screen in my peripheral vision looking for the latest update.  Over the past two days I have felt HERE, not desiring to be somewhere else.

I will miss seeing updates from my sisters and close girlfriends in the states.  However, I know I will now be much more intentional in calling them!  I plan to keep you up to date with the lessons the Lord teaches me throughout the next 100 days.  Who knows, maybe this next 100 days is the start of a permanent Facebook break?  At this point, that sounds CRAZY to me.  I am thankful the Lord allows me to walk in baby steps of obedience :)  Oh to learn the secret to contentment (Philippians 4:12).  I praise the Lord that I am LEARNING the secret to contentment by chasing hard after my Savior.

 Because I do not think any blog is complete without a picture :)

I am so thankful for a husband who loves the Lord and encourages me every day to seek hard after Him.  I ask for your prayers over these next SEVERAL days.  Oh to know my Savior more and experience true freedom that can only come from the Cross.